And That’s All This Ole Country Lawyer Wrote

March 29, 2010

I’ve come to an ending of a part of my life,, a time to put away the pen,, at least for now.

I’m in a new stage in my life and it is time to put the beginnings on something other than paper. It’s time to say goodbye.

In less than 2 years,, this ole country lawyer has grown into one of the largest read legal blogs in the good ole USA and world,, and now,, it’s time to continue the journey elsewhere.

You see,,, I survived,, yes,, I survived the homelessness, the divorce,, the serious infections,, the pain of living and felt the joy of living,, all sharing it with you,, the audience.

It is time to begin the journey in a different path,, one of new life and new lessons.

I am present and always will value the  time and energy spent on telling the truth about me and sharing me with you.

I will write again,, from my new home,, as a phoenix rises from the dust,, so will I.

Until we meet again,, happy trials or is it happy trails?

May peace be with you always and know I love each and every one of you,, whether you want me to or not.

Paul J. Smith

Advertisements

Dance To Your Own Fucking Tune

March 28, 2010

I often say the things I do in my life are like music,, only I’m dancing to my own fucking tune. I don’t know the words or the rhythm,, but it sure as hell is my own tune and not one scripted by corporate America.

I am certain that there are a few people out there who understand exactly what I mean, but just to be certain,, I’m dancing to my own fucking tune.

I feel that today, just for today,, the problems of the world will continue and the solutions will come from people who dance to their own tune. I see the world getting deeper and deeper in debt and the idea of everyone not working appeals to me,, if only to feel a part of the in crowd,, but in the end,, the true artists will shine and dance to their own tune.

I say again,, dance to your own fucking tune,, whatever it may be.

Peace.

Month One Of A New Journey

March 27, 2010

Well, I’ve been here in my new apartment for one month now and it is different. I’ve gone from a very large spread to an area of around 621 square feet and have gone from several clients to just a few.

I must say in this month it is challenging, different and above all,, interesting. I meet and greet new friends as I try to build a new business from the ground up again.

I usually use the same formula that I have been using for years,, one of beginning by taking very small steps and then growing. I begin by asking the courts to appoint me to indigent cases, until I get going and then usually get some retained cases.

As I am doing this, I am noticing that the growth is smaller than usual and the financial rewards are not as good,, so maybe it’s time to try a new strategy,, along with keeping the old one going.

I guess the economy is effecting everyone in a way that those in power don’t realize. I suppose that the great depression is a time of thought and a time of personal struggle and a way to make do with what we have,, although,, it has been an interesting ride.

I really enjoy my change in my situation and can only offer my experience strength and hope of a better day. Just for today, just for me,, I believe it will get better and in the end,, the living day by day in the moment is the answer,, now I just need a question.

Peace.

I’m Not Better

March 26, 2010

I’m not better from my mersa and I am checking into it. The docs have run so damn many tests in the last few days,, it ain’t even funny.

I still am coughing up blood and not feeling well at all, still trying to practice law and the like.

Peace.

New Computer = Old Computer And A Coffee Spill

March 25, 2010

I have recently found out the formula that seems to work for me,,, one new computer because of one old computer and a coffee spill. I have lost a significant amount of data to this process of coffee spilling on my computer and had to buy a new computer, new software and a new printer.

It seems that the old printer I have just won’t handle the operating system of my new computer and that sucks.

I almost bought a mac, then I decided to stay with a windows based computer. I make this decision because of the availability of the technical support to handle this type of operating system.

I also upgraded the software I use. I upgraded the version of WordPerfect I have and also bought Microsoft Word.

Anyway,, the new computer is lighter, faster and it takes some time to get used to it,, but in the end,, it seems for the best.

So, I wish every one of you a joyous day, full of adventure and fun until we meet again.

Peace.

Have You Suffered From Trauma?

March 23, 2010

Trauma is defined loosely as a loss of life, limb or of a belief system. I know, just for me,, that the traumas I suffer from are from are mostly about suffering loss of a belief system.

It seems that when one of my clients is arrested,,, he or she undergoes some trauma or another. I see it over and over and over. To the newly accused in their first criminal case to those that have been betrayed by a surgeon,, trauma happens along the way.

Sometimes, I am able to quickly pinpoint the trauma, and other times,, I am not. It is not my job to be a therapist, banker, mother or father to my clients,, it is my responsibility, however, to ensure that my client is taking care of him or her self in a healthy way during the trauma and afterwards.

I have times in my practice when I am thought of as a healer,, then I’ve days when I not thought of in that matter. I am not a hero,, I just am able to solve problems for my clients somewhat quickly.

I often see people who never get treatment for their traumas, but do go on a function like a”normal” individual. I believe those cases are few and far between. I feel like it is always the case that most of my clients go untreated for this affliction.

I see a new area old litigation that is and had begun developing,, that of PTSD after a trauma is suffered. For instance,, almost 3 years ago,, I was sideswiped by another car and to this day,, every time  see a car about to turn into the opposite lane, I get an intense sense of panic and anxiety. I respond by using my built-in defense mechanisms that I have recently developed and grab the steering wheel very tightly and swerve into the other lane of traffic to avoid the traffic that is merging or turning into me.

I know that’s silly,, or is it?  I mean for me is very real with pictures of me dying on the road. I know most of you don’t react the same way, however, I do.

So is that a form of PTSD,,, or is it just paranoid? I don’t know,, except this,, it affects me n a way it shouldn’t and can be treated. Peace.

And So,,,,

March 22, 2010

How often do we say the words,, and so,,? What do they really mean? Why is it that by saying certain words we convey different meanings?

I offer a simple suggestion,, just listen with the heart,, for with the heart,, all is heard.

Peace.

San Antonio And Sick

March 21, 2010

I am in Dallas this week recovering from a 3 day seminar on personal development when I catch a cold there. I leave Dallas Friday night and go directly to New Braunfels where I live and then Saturday morning,,, I travel to San Antonio for another 2 day intensive seminar.

Somewhere along the way,, I get sick and have this tremendous head cold coupled with a sore throat. I am troubled that self-improvement comes at such a high cost for me health wise.

As I arrive home last night,, I spend time on the phone with several friends and clients,, then I go to the workout rooms here and begin my version of a short work out.

I do some cardio work, then I use the dumbbells to do some muscle-building and toning,, along with stretching.  I end the workout by sitting in the steam sauna for a few minutes,, hoping it will help sweat the cold out,,, it doesn’t. I think I’ll take a steam sauna this morning.

I guess the only remedy is rest and more rest until the very act of getting better is accomplished. I often wonder what people did before antibiotics and nasal decongestants? How in the hell did they survive?

Anyway,, it’s back here for a while and then it’s off to an other adventure and trial. I still am feeling the effects of the injury I received in New York and just haven’t slowed down long enough to stop feeling the effects of the hospital stay.

I hope all is well for those who read this nonsense and may each of you find joy, happiness and peace as you journey throughput your day.

Taking Care Of Business

March 20, 2010

I’m taking care of personal business. I’m working on myself and doing intense psychodrama and intense personal therapy. I begin to see the results almost immediately and am very grateful to those that allow me to work with them in groups.

I notice that not all members are at the same level of therapy as I. Some are deeper,, some are less deep,, but overall,, growth is in the air.

Today,,  I venture into another therapy session and then back home to work out. Somewhere along the way,, the business of law will get done and the business of working on me comes first.

As I look back,, I have journeyed a hell of a lot,, I was married, divorced, homeless,, broke and still working on myself getting better and better.

The experiences in life don’t matter,, it’s the lessons we learn along the way that do.

Peace to all.

On Seeking Balance, Safety And Me

March 19, 2010

I love the interesting looks I take at myself in the mirror and see the complexity of my life,,, the traumas being lived out in full color in front of those who are my trusted close friends and want only to help me.

I see certain patterns in my life and deeply examine the roots of them in order for me to understand the life and lies I am living on a daily basis. I see the dramas put into action and realize that I must purge my system to gain understanding, growth and love of both myself and others.

I see the diseases I suffer from and am quite certain that the beginning is the end and the end is the beginning in my simple life transposed by a year of great changes.

I live this year homeless, broke, divorced, violated and yet I am whole to begin anew. I long for the security of the items of crap I accumulated in my lifetime,, only to see them evaporate and be taken from me,, and somehow a sense of calmness over comes me in my moment of sorrow. You see, I am free to be me.

I have been shunned by those in power as a voice too powerful to answer,, yet if ignored,, maybe the “man” will refuse to recognize me or my ideas.

How horrible it must be for an ego then the man to admit a mistake,,, how powerful it must be for him to acknowledge that his time on his earth is almost done and his dream must never be carried on.,, or it will fail.

Perhaps safety and  balance are the cornerstones of any relationship,, never codependency, alcohol, drugs, sex, food or many other addictions that occur in life.

May peace be with you as you look into your mirror in your life.