So What the Hell Will I Write About Today?

Here’s the deal,, I’m stuck. I don’t know what to write about, but I’ll try to see where it goes from here.

I awoke this morning in a new town and have secured a new office. I am going back to basics again after having my life shattered into a thousand pieces. I wonder why some people are so mean, then I know,, they are reptiles,, not mammals.

I run into reptiles in my life and sometimes, if you are not careful,, they will kill you. I see  these reptiles and it is true that opposites attract, so just beware, it can and does happen.

I understand that life is a series of balances,, good and evil,, light and dark,, hero and villain. I see each life that I come in contact with has those characteristics. I see each person having that moral struggle with themselves at some point, or during all of their life, to balance the good and evil.

I see the third component of all, the spiritual side coming into play also. I see reptiles who believe in a higher calling, then kill others. I see mammals who don’t believe in a higher power and then help others.

I guess today I’m confused about life, or maybe just my own. In the end, I feel the greatest fear I have is being alone, yet the being alone frees me to discover me. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of mankind,, to discover him or herself?

I will journey this year to places I’ve never gone before,, to see sights of me I’ve never seen before and to experience me. I feel alone, afraid and vulnerable, yet incredibly strong.

In the end, I suppose the only thing that matters will be if I have lived my life exploring me,,, not who I work for or what I own.

So, here goes,, it seems that I am working incredibly hard on myself and that in the meantime, other people are just standing still,,, not dealing with their traumas,, am I alone? Am I going too deep? Will I discover the gifts I have and then be able to harness them for good?

Am I isolating because I’m digging so deep into myself that others are afraid because I see their truth and not their walls or defenses their egos have put up for years that others are comfortable with?

Am I alone?


One Response to “So What the Hell Will I Write About Today?”

  1. maegan Says:

    you are definently not all, most people fight their whole life trying to find who they are, especially young mother like me and the older generation who have nobody or feel as if they have nobody
    here are a few good quotes for you to ponder

    Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But here’s the truth…the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is…everything.

    There’s a point in your life when you get tired of fixing everything & trying to make everyone happy. When you finally decide to quit, it’s NOT giving up. its realizing you dont need certain people and the bullshit they bring in to your life.

    At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care for each other…it’s usually a bunch of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we’ve chosen those people, we tend to stick close by, no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping, and sure sometimes close can be too close, but sometimes that invasion of personal space – it can be exactly what you need.

    Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

    and there are plenty more if you would like tosee them

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