The Corporation That Stole Christmas

Once upon a time, there was a mighty corporation named Pexxon, who was the largest in all the land. Everyone feared Pexxon, at least those who didn’t work for it,, and even some who did.

For you see, Pexxon was so large that it owned or wanted to own everything. Pexxon controlled the oil and gas industry, the automotive industry, the banking industry, the agricultural industry, the manufacturing industry, the war industry, the railroad industry and of course the banking industry.

There wasn’t an industry that Pexxon didn’t control, except one,, organized religion.

The board of directors met and Billy Bob Executive, CEO, wanted to expand in this economy that Pexxon had created. Billy Bob always thought that recessions were good for Pexxon, so that Pexxon could buy, buy, buy at ridiculously low bargain prices,, so this economic downturn made tremendous sense.

Billy Bob met with Arthur “Spendthrift” Anders,, the chief account and was informed that those damn churches were tax exempt. Billy Bob thought what a great thing,, being tax exempt,,, the last president allowed us to rape, pillage and profit unmercifully and even gave Pexxon tax breaks, but now,, the idea of tax exempt caused Billy Bob to foam at the mouth with endless excitement.

The very idea of organized religion repulsed Billy Bob,, but the profit potential eventually had more pull on his morals than the concept of organized religion and “sheep” just following some mindless chatter about some thing in the sky that no one could see or talk to,, but somehow, this thing in the sky controlled all “hope”, whatever the hell that was,, of every man, woman and child in the world and it was “tax-free”.

Billy Bob knew he must now own organized religion and become tax-free, for the sake of the corporation’s profits,, the only God Billy Bob ever knew.

So Billy Bob and his hatchet men,, (the brown water brigade) sought to take over “organized religion” and hatched a plan. They would buy every church, synagogue and mosque in the land and then become tax-free. Billy Bob knew every man, woman and child had his or her price and would buy them, just like they did everything else. Who said the economic downturn was bad for the country,, I mean,, what’s good for Pexxon is good for everyone,, right?

Billy Bob and his hatchet men began approaching the various organizations. Many of them just named their price,, and were brought into the Pexxon family,, the Pexxon loyalty pledge went something like this,,, We honor Pexxon above all else. Pexxon and its profits are more important than family, government or anything else. Pexxon is more important than anything,, we pledge our everything to Pexxon and it’s profits.

Wow, Billy Bob thought,, this is easier than owning senators or congressmen,, and what a great idea,, we will own organized religion. We will be tax-free.

Stayed tuned for part 2 of the Corporation that stole Christmas.


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