Welcome New Plant And Candle

I don’t know much about claiming my own space to live in,, nor my own right to exist, but I know what one of my therapists says.

She asks me to get a candle, a plant and smudge the room with sage, which I am doing slowly. I am moving shortly to a different area of Texas where I feel at home,, if I ever knew what home is.

I will write more about that as time goes on, however, yesterday, I went and got a candle and looked for a plant. The candle was pretty easy to find,, the plant isn’t. No plant spoke to me and the poison in the plants, (chemicals, like steroids for humans), just felt wrong, so I didn’t get a plant.

I am saddened because my departed friend T, who was homeless, always had a plant and a candle, making some grounding in a place she never knew where,, but she always felt it was her home.

Anyway, I’m moving to a flop house soon and in the new town I’m moving to I don’t really know anyone, yet I feel energy there. I’m staying at my friend’s condo right now until Thursday when I move officially.

By then, I hope to have a plant that I can allow to be my new room-mate. I suppose that my new room-mate will be somewhat needy and probably snores, along with passing gas, but overall, we’ll probably get along just fine.

I awoke at a strange hour last night sweating and feeling a surge of energy coming over me, because I’m dealing with being alone and my thoughts about the soon to be ex whose name must never again be spoken in public, and then I realize,, I can use this time I have to explore me.

I watched some ridiculous sit com last night and I saw a flash of my past,, the boy in the sit com was putting posters on the walls of his room and I realized I never did that as a child.

I never did that as an adult in the “marriage / prison” I survived in for 19 years either. It is funny that the entire time I survived, I never had any space for just me, until the end,, then I found myself face to face with infidelity and another man living with my soon to be ex, whose name must never again be spoken in public. Wow.

I wonder how many years of infidelity there were and me not knowing about it? I suppose that’s because I accepted my role instead of just being me and not putting up with that shit.

Anyway, once I awaken, I become free,, do you?

So I say, welcome new soon to be room-mate plant and candle. Peace.

p.s. can a plant cheat on me? I am just wondering,,,,

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