Honor Your Feelings

I am sitting at an object that might be mistaken for a desk in some third world country and writing what I feel. I have an interesting week and one that had an emotional roller coaster of feelings attached to it.

As you may know, I’m moving, my friend died, my life is torn apart and I’m starting over. Now, normally that wouldn’t matter to many people, but it does to me.

You see, I’m able to feel things more intensely than others,, I hurt more, I give more and I feel more. I am able to feel intense pain of others, myself and those of strangers whom I’ve never met.

I also can feel great joy, great power and great excitement. I can feel love and give love with surprising strength. I can even anticipate with surprising accuracy. All these gifts given to me have until recently been shuttered deep down in my heart and quashed.

I used to quash these feelings with drugs and alcohol, but over time, that gave way to giving and giving and giving. All these behaviors were not good, in fact, any one of those behaviors would kill me if I didn’t stop.

Over time, in the last year and 1/2, I have started again to reconnect with the emotional, feeling side of me. It is amazing,, the gifts that I purposefully quashed have been revived and feeling has returned.

I liken this to a professional ballplayer who stops for a while and then returns to the arena,, his talent is there,, it has never left him, it just takes practice and practice and practice to get back into shape.

I was given these incredible gifts to use and I’m learning to use them properly again. I am losing weight and getting stronger and stronger. Soon, the gifts will be tuned again and then I’ll venture forward into new adventures,, into the unknown.

I probably shouldn’t tell everyone out there about these gifts,, maybe they can find out for themselves, but in trial,, when I’m on my game,, watch out.

You see, I honor my feelings,, sometimes I laugh, sometimes I sit and cry, but I honor those feelings,, do you? Peace.

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One Response to “Honor Your Feelings”

  1. elizabeth scofield pankhurst Says:

    Your ears must have been burning on Thanksgiving Day, you were mentioned so many times when we spoke of things and people we were grateful for. John having another chance at life because you took his case. Now we realize you took his case, in spite of our money problems, at the worst possible time in your own life.

    We thought you were with friends for Thanksgiving. We would have loved to have you with us. Someone like you, Paul, is never alone.

    God’s Blessings be with you for the coming year as you start your incredible journey! You are in our prayers.

    Elizabeth, Joe and JJ (John)

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