Homeless Trauma

The temporary hearing set for yesterday got passed and it is reset until October 28. So here I am again,, homeless and facing the trauma of what happened to me. I am certain that writing about the experience helps me discover the truth.

So many ask me,, why not just get a new home? Why not just rent a place and move there? I have to look at that answer and say this,, the soon to be ex and her “lawyer” wants me to pay a bunch of money to them.

So if the Judge agrees with them,, then I can’t simply afford it at all, so I’ll wait. You ask,, I’m sure,, why don’t I ask for money for a place to stay? I will be asking for a division of the community property and that includes relief for that.

Anyway,, now is not the time,,, in war, one must pick their battles carefully in order to win,, not randomly shoot all their weapons at the beginning of the war.

So, back to trauma and how I feel about it. I am felling lonely, scared and terrified. Every time I replay the 19 years  or so of marriage in my mind, I feel a hell of a giant loss,, kinda like I’ve got to grieve but haven’t yet.

Without the proper grieving and feeling the trauma,, I am still in shock.  So, what’s it like to lose an arm, a leg, or an eye? What’s it like to have the death of a child? What’s it like to experience complete abandonment?  All these experiences are trauma related injuries. Why not homelessness?

So, in the end, trauma is an experience that produces shock. If the trauma is not dealt with properly, the stages of the mental exercises in coping with the trauma, shock, denial,  grief, fantasy, etc., become a reality for a person and then it is a mental illness. Some people deal with trauma by using drugs or alcohol to excess.

Mental illness manifests itself when the trauma is too much for the person to cope with. Their fantasy about getting their limb back and replaying the event, making it different in their mind, not in reality, becomes their only driving force in life. Those are the mentally ill,, those that have never dealt with their trauma,

So, I have to deal with this trauma for another week or so until I know what will happen in the courtroom.

Anyway, I’m also sure that people might say, just get over it,, get a place to stay,, quit harping about it,, move on,, man up,, or some such other command.

While that may be true for most,, it ain’t for me. I’m genetically different. I’m a highly sensitive person. I’m also a high sensation seeker. Those combinations are in less than 10% of the population. Trauma of any kind sucks. To some, it’s the loss of an arm, to a little baby in the hospital,, it may be circumcised with no anesthesia.

Whatever the trauma,, it’s fucking real,, just think,, if you don’t know about trauma, how can you feel it? Some people say the only trauma is when a person dies or a war wound occurs,, I just ask what about other traumas that people experience? Aren’t they real? I mean, just because you don’t recognize it as a trauma,, does that mean it can’t be a trauma?

When you deal with clients who have a lawsuit,, there is always trauma,, think about the wrongful foreclosure and the family now out on the streets? Isn’t that a trauma for them? Does your “lawyer” just say,, man up,, get over it? If so,, maybe its time to get a new “lawyer”,, one that can feel, rather than just spew bullshit.

Have a nice day and remember another person’s trauma is real to them,, accept what is given to you. Also, feed the homeless and have compassion for them,,, they too have suffered great trauma in their life.

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