Not Sleeping

I’m not sleeping so well today, in fact, last night, I probably didn’t get more than an hour or two of sleep. I don’t like that feeling much at all, so I’m wondering why I didn’t sleep.

I feel that in my life right now, there’s a tremendous amount of fear. Fear is an emotion that stands back to back with anger. Wherever there is fear, anger is always right behind it,, and whenever there is anger,, fear is right behind it.

So I’m here in intense therapy and haven’t dealt with the anger work necessary to overcome the fear. I suppose that answer is obvious to all who know anything about me,, but I’m having trouble grasping it.

I need to work on my anger at the situation that is in front of me to overcome the fear behind me. It ain’t easy when you’re without a home, without income and without resources to do it.

I suppose that I’ll have to prepare today for the battle that is coming,, the battle for temporary orders,,, by the way, why can’t I get a place to live out of this? I mean, almost 20 years of marriage ought to allow me to live in a house and not be homeless, shouldn’t it?

So, I guess I’ll have to file some legal documents, kill some trees and ask for a place to live. I suppose that’s fair. And why shouldn’t I be able to get my files and things (clothes and personal items) out of the ranch house?

I suppose that in the end,, I’ll have to deal with my anger,,, but will others be able to deal with theirs? I can only say this,, I’m not surprised that in the war of attrition, the war will likely cost more than a settlement. Have a nice day and remember, sometimes you just have to support yourself, especially if you’re able and have resources to do so.

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