Divorce Is Rough

I’m not doing okay this morning. I haven’t slept at all and I’m tired and have to be in several places today. One of the places I have to be today is to deal with my divorce situation.

I do not relish at all the thought of being anywhere near the drama, yet in order to protect myself, I must deal with it directly. I often wonder why people even get married at all if this is the end result.

It is apparent to me over the years and especially the last year and 1/2 or so, I have changed tremendously and perhaps the soon to be ex could not deal with those changes. I awaken and she sleeps.

I am afraid because I am losing my place to sleep and crash in Houston today and there’s not much I can do about it. I am powerless and the “other” and her attorney have probably made the decision to make me finally homeless and without any where to shower, yet I’m sure they want me to pay a tremendous sum of money for support to the soon to be ex.

I don’t feel it’s right. I am anxious about this event occurring, but I can not change the outcome. It seems after 19 or so years of marriage, a fella would be allowed a place to shower and not be disturbed, but I guess in their minds,, that ain’t so. Perhaps, one day, I’ll get to tell my story to others who’ll listen.

I guess I’m doomed to sleeping on couches of friends for a long time while the “other” exacts what she and her attorney feel is justified punishment for the years of marriage. I don’t know, but I don’t feel good about this.

Anyway, I’m feeling low today and maybe I can really live on the streets, but I hope not. I hope your attorney understands the humanity of life and is able to feel and connect with other’s pain and pleasure, rather than just be a robot with no emotional attachment.

Have a nice day and remember life can change on a second’s notice,, just be present in the moment and learn to respond not react.

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One Response to “Divorce Is Rough”

  1. Gemstone City Gal Says:

    Dear Paul,
    I could choose to write about saying all the things most people will probably say to you including: You’re never really alone and I have faith in you or This too shall pass. Yet, I’m drawn to an illustration on resiliency. Please take the time to reseach and read about how pearl are formed,, even your basic google and wikipedia search will do,, [Go figure Jewelry, it’s what I know best],, you COULD get the ten dollar tour or I could give you the ten cent version. Here it goes: it involves a teeny tiny speck of of dust….ok SAND getting under the smallest crack of an oyster you know just under the muslces…as it lay on the bottom of the ocean, the oyster begins to be bothered by the sand and starts to rub it’s muscles to try to get rid of the irritant yet it can’t so it keeps trying…. rubbing and rubbing…[ok stay focused now]…. finally the oyster begins to get tired of trying to get rid of that speck of sand and grit stuff …..as the oyster begins to get tired it gets lazy and sometimes stops the rubbing….Suddenly one day inside that dirty beat up old oyster is a beautiful pure pearl is forming and each time the oyster rubs the pearl continues to grow stronger and more beautiful…. then one day it’s perfect….. when it’s ready it comes out ….only after several hard tumbles in the rough ocean (ok and maybe even after someone helps it that’s ok too [therapist are good]) … then suddenly some day someone finds it,, and realizes it’s GENUINE beauty and chooses that ONE beautiful pearl,, often from among several other nice looking ones too. That pearl is remains strong and retains not only it’s natural beauty but an intrinsict one too often for more than one person.
    Ok why this illustration I know you’re not a child,, and what does it mean for you? You’re the pearl!
    Life isn’t always easy and we will get tossed around in the sea of life, in fact we don’t like it and it “bothers us” in fact down right irritates us at times … you just keep doing [not exactly rubbing] but just trying,, just keep trying to do what you need to do be complete and ready for you to just be. You are a beautiful person and I’m sure a good friend to many. Do you realize you’re working on becomming AUTHENTIC and that’s priceless,, stay in your moment you are a piece of work in progress,, you too will be of inherit vaule to someone someday again.
    Take Care & Ride the Wave.

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