More Divorce Trauma

What a crock of crap. Every move one makes in a divorce is like a volatile bottle of toxic acid waiting to be spilled on a nice new article of clothing. The other player inevitably decides that their actions are perfect and without looking into the mirror,, you now become to perpetrator when really you’re the victim.

Wow, it’s a damn good thing I am at a trauma therapy session. I never really looked at the dynamics of this pattern of trauma. There’s the perpetrator, the victim and the rescuer. I never experienced divorce in my upbringing. My parents did not divorce. I wonder what would have happened if they did. In my current situation, the trauma has happened to the soon to be ex and I am receiving the brunt of it. I stand in for the soon to be ex’s parents. Every out lash of rage at me is really aimed at her parents. You know, the truth be told, I really feel sorry for the soon to be ex. A child can never stand up to the abuser and needs protection. When you don’t get that protection, you feel abandoned and then the betrayal takes over and as a result,, no trust ever. It’s a damn shame.

There are a lot of good people in this world and never to have trust of someone,,, well,, you’ll die a lonely death. You will inevitably drive everyone away from you who ever tried to help,, plain and simple. You have isolation and your only contact will be with dogs or cats or birds. There will be no tribe you belong to and all human contact vanishes,, being pushed away by your actions.  It’s a damn shame.

How terrible it must be to not to be able to understand the pattern and then not correct it by taking steps to prevent it from occurring again. I guess in this life there are honey bees and sparrows. The honey bees are always looking to pollenate relationships and grow new things. The sparrows are always looking for decaying things to peck at. I don’t want to go through life as a sparrow, but I guess some people do. Oh well,,, I guess a  wall around you is the perfect way to break the pattern of abuse,, you never let anyone get close to you ever. Best of luck with that.

So how the hell does my divorce relate to jury trials? It’s like this, the pattern of trauma runs through many generations, one father passes the behavior to the child, who in turn passes it to the next child and so on. It’s how it is for those who are hurt. They can become the abuser later in life without knowing any better. A jury is a dynamic force that becomes a group. That group is molded into it’s identity by its members,, some of whom have been abused. The patterns of those on the jury may take over and change the verdict without anyone realizing this. It’s a different dynamic to have a jury of abusers sitting in judgment than a jury of victims or rescuers. Failure to recognize these patterns can alter the justice your client receives. Have a nice day, I’m off to therapy again.

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