I Wonder If It’s Okay To Torture Traffic Ticket Violators?

Officer Neverwrong called me yesterday and asked me if it would be okay to torture people arrested for traffic tickets? He made a compelling argument. He cited CIA claims that this effective technique could lead to those “traffic terrorists” who are at the heart of America’s War on Terrorism. Officer Neverwrong only wanted to waterboard the most resistant ones he stopped. He felt that he could “cause” minimal physical discomfort to others and get critical national security information that could one day save America and prevent further “Traffic Terrorist’s” attacks.

I listened, and asked him the source of his information. He kept repeating, over and over again,,, “the United States of America does not condone torture”, but he conceded that the minimal physical discomfort wasn’t torture. It’s just plain good old fashioned intelligence work. He also kept repeating,, that several of the higher-ups okayed these methods of “interrogation” to gather classified national security information.

One may never know the exact number of terrorist’s attacks we saved our country from,,, but that these “traffic terrorists” must be stopped at all costs, and the number of attacks prevented will surely justify the interrogation methods he wanted to use.

Officer Neverwrong continued to tell me that he personally knew Donald Rumsfeld and that if it’s good enough for him,, well it ought to be good enough for Neverwrong.

I continued to listen and asked but one simple question, “Why”? Neverwrong stood there somewhat puzzled and called me unAmerican and a Al Quaede supporter (his words) for not giving him the green light to carry out his plan. He further accused me of being non God loving and on and on the words flew, until he could think of no more. I again asked, why? I began to fear for my life when he placed his left hand on his heart and his right hand on his gun,, all the while singing the National Anthem, but realized his fever would be overcome if I simply suggested that history has shown we prosecuted the Nazis for torture and perhaps we might do the same for those who drafted the plan of torture for use after 911. I further explained to him that the Nazis were quite sure that their plans and agenda was the one that would last for 1000 years until the world thought better and put a stop to the torture.

Seeing him soften a bit, I began to breathe easier, knowing that for now, I’ll just have to live with those extreme “traffic terrorists” in my world and perhaps we might just talk to them and find out why they reject our traffic laws. Maybe their ideals are different, maybe they just believe that the traffic laws in Houston don’t need to be applied in the wide open spaces of West Texas,, or whatever,, but at least let’s not torture them today, Neverwrong.

I told him, “I’m sure your time will come when the political environment is right to allow your “physical discomfort” methods to catch and prevent those “traffic terrorists” from ever breathing our American air.” With that, Neverwrong quietly slipped off in his patrol car, muttering about organizing some tea party or something like that.

Have a nice day,, I’m in training.

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