World’s Oldest College Freshman

Boy it’s exciting, since the soon to ex and I are parting company, I still have the twinkle in my eye and I’ve decided to go back to college. Just think, my overhead decreases by $75,000.00 per year, I can just about do anything I want to do. I’ve decided to become the world’s oldest college freshman.

I’ll call Dean Martin over at the local college and find out what I have to do to get into his esteemed college. I wonder what fraternity I’ll be asked to pledge. What courses will I take? How about creative thinking and some psychology or art, certainly no science courses. I’ll talk to the professors and explain to them that I just want to be in the middle of the pack or even near the bottom; that my younger classmates need to be in the front so they can get jobs when they graduate.

I’ll set up a law office on campus for criminal defense cases, you know the DWI’s and Possession of Pot cases that are sure to follow the average college student everywhere they go. Maybe I’ll join the booster club and then I can get tickets to all the sporting events on campus.

It’s amazing getting divorced, it’s like doubling your salary without having to do anything else. I suppose the soon to be ex will stop calling every 20 minutes wanting to know how to trademark something or set up a corporation, hell, maybe she’ll even get a job. I support her decision. Maybe, she’ll go out and price new husbands or what legal services actually cost.

Anyway, back to reality, being the world’s oldest college freshman. It’ll be great, new friends, new adventures, new experiences, only I’ll know a hell of a lot about them before they happen. I’ll study at the library, hang out at the local coffee shop and practice law only when I want to, not have to practice just to pay the bills.

I wonder if I need to learn the new technology out there or if it really matters. I can just be myself and make new friends without having to impress anyone. Perhaps I’ll meet a new professor who’ll share my dreams in life and understand what life is really about. It’ll be wonderful, I can travel, go anywhere in the world want and not worry about responsibilities. I can be free at last, a dream that so few get to realize in their life.

You know, my friends are talking about the older we get, the more we are set in our ways. I’m not so sure about that. I really enjoy the childlike qualities that I have. I really want to learn new things, explore and enjoy life, not be some bitter, angry individual constantly being told you are worthless, with low self esteem. I’ll really enjoy being the world’s oldest college freshman.

So now I have to relate this to a jury trial, so here goes. An experience in life can either be very painful or very liberating, it’s all how you make it. Each juror has gone through the experiences in life and have felt great pain and great liberation. How you and your client relate with the jurors to those experiences is how you win your case. I hope your lawyer is able to relate his or her experiences in life to the jury. Have a nice day, I’m off to Dallas to see old friends for the next 2 days.


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