A Conversation With Mr. No Offer

It usually begins like this, “Say, Mr. No Offer, I have this client who is suffering terrible injuries because your client hit her with his semi.” Mr. No Offer replies, “You can be sure your client was at fault also, in fact, she probably caused the entire accident.” But I reply, “My client was rear ended by your semi and he is the one who is in traffic court with the ticket.” Maybe so, says Mr. No Offer, but we all wouldn’t be here, if your client hadn’t caused the wreck. I ask Mr. No Offer, “Well, do you suppose that your driver has any responsibility at all?” Mr. No Offer answers, “Only because he happened to be on the road at the same time with your irresponsible client.”

It’s really difficult understanding insurance defense lawyers at all. They seem to always get personal if you dare suggest to them that their precious client (money) is at fault and should pay for the damages they  cause. I suppose these lawyers are protecting money that really belongs to the insurance company, but certainly not any money belonging to the driver of the vehicle. I often wonder what would happen if the lawyers were in an accident, wouldn’t they demand the maximum policy limits for their injuries? What would happen in the roles are reversed just once and they have to hear the nonsense they spout? Of course, they would say their injuries are real and they hurt, but anytime someone else is injured, they say, “You really just went to the doctor to get pain pills didn’t you?”, or some such nonsense.

It’s amazing what happens to lawyers when they themselves become clients. Most know everything there is to know about anything and are generally next to impossible to deal with, but some do listen.  I have represented many lawyers in my time and most want to tell me everything about how to try their case, how to present evidence, how to voir dire the jury, how to object, etc. What usually happens is that the case is tried the way it should be. The case is presented with all the love I have for any client. We win. The lawyer usually forgets within 10 minutes after the verdict how to be human and reverts to the lawyer mode once again. The lawyer is always saying to anyone who will listen, we couldn’t have won this case without my instructions to the trial lawyer. Such is the case with Mr. No Offer. I have represented him before on a very serious manner and we won. But back to the story.

“Look, Mr. No Offer, why not look at the facts and see the correct result?”, I ask. Mr. No Offer replies, “The correct result is your client paying my client for the scratch to his new semi.”  “I really know you can’t believe what you’re saying,, your client and his company are at fault,,, they need to pay for what they cause,” I say. Mr. No Offer replies, “Look, just because you got lucky in front of the last jury, doesn’t mean you’ll win again this time. Why don’t you tell me what you want and we’ll see if we can’t get your client a little something. Otherwise, we will proceed with our counterclaim against your client.” I reply, “Policy limits.” Mr. No Offer says, “We will offer $2,500.00, only because it’s near the holidays and we all know your client needs the money.”

Now I have to tell my client about any offers we get, so I’ll do that. I don’t expect her to take it, but a lawyer should always tell his or her client about any offers the lawyer receives.  It’s wrong not to. I expect this case will end up in front of a jury. I expect at the last minute, some new and recently discovered evidence that wasn’t available 2 years ago will just show up and the judge will let it in. I expect that at the last minute, the insurance defense lawyer will file another continuance. I expect that at the last minute, the insurance defense lawyer will again try to get my pleadings thrown out on a technicality. I expect that at the last minute new witnesses will only be recently discovered by the insurance defense lawyer. I expect that at the last minute, another expert will need to be heard from by the jury, and on and on the excuses go by the insurance defense lawyer. I know these things and I prepare for them.

Remember, there are 2 types of lawyers today, those who settle out of court and those who go to court. If you have to go to court, make sure your lawyer knows where the courthouse is and cares enough about you to prepare properly. Hope you all have a happy shopping day, I’m off to town.


One Response to “A Conversation With Mr. No Offer”

  1. Craig Brown Says:

    I see you’ve been talking to Allstate, too!

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