Tribe Reunion

It’s kinda funny,, a bunch of lawyers meeting and sharing feelings,, but this is what happens when the tribe gets together.

We witness each other and see how much we have grown,, how much we have journeyed and how much we are alike, but uniquely different.

For some of us,, it means sitting as witnesses,, for some of us,, it’s telling our truths. I, like most of us here, have been working on an incredible journey,, that of life.

I find for the most part, that life has its trials, joys, sorrows and its own pain, but in reality, life is an experience. Being present in the moment is its own regard.

I often wonder if the “pretty people” out there are awake, or if those who are in the moment are the winners in life. I am certain that in time, those that live in the present are rewarded with more.

I have a new life,, one that is my own,, one that I am able to captain the ship,, one that is unique,, in spite of all my pain,, I am alive.

Is it your goal to live,, or is it your goal to become something you are not? Live for the present and just be. Peace from the tribe.

Tribe Reunion

I’m off to Dallas to rekindle acquaintances with the members of the tribe who come into Dallas this weekend for a gathering.

It is quite a sight and full of many surprises, seeing many of the members who are traveling from quite far to gather and fellowship.

I have seen many, many changes in the tribe since I’ve been a member and most of all, the increase in numbers is what impresses me.

I do not know what if anything is to be discussed at the reunion, but for the price of gas,, I’m there.

So, when a tribe gathers,, important business is usually discussed and fun is had. When you meet with your clients do you discuss important business and have fun?

Have a nice day and may it bring happiness and joy for you and those around you. Peace.

Houston, Bryan, Houston, Dallas, Houston

I’m on the road again and this is my schedule. I wish I could say that the trips are for money, they aren’t. I wish I could say the trips are for fun,, they aren’t.

I make these trips to see clients and visit old friends in Dallas. I truly try and get a hell of a lot done with my running around, but lately,,, it’s nothing more than survival.

I am going from here to there to back here again and I’m not getting my rest. I am frazzled and not certain about what will happen in the next few weeks.

Maybe, just maybe, answers will appear, maybe not. I feel like I’m on a war party excursion in the old west. I feel drained and damn tired after hours of driving and little or no sleep.

I wonder if stress is causing this, or if there’s nothing I can do about it now.

Anyway, last night I worked on a case with my friends for one of my oldest and dearest friend who is going through the same thing I am. It’s painful to see, but necessary to see the end.

I suppose, I think,, that those that read this rambling post may begin to wonder why I write what I write. Maybe not. I can just say this,, looking at my own case,, is the toughest thing I’ve ever done.

I’m always the giver,, always putting the needs of everyone else before mine own,, yet here, I need to stand up for myself and work on my case. So be it.

I resolve to work on my case. Right now,,, I’m trying to finish this drama before it explodes into something that will drain everyone. Maybe that’s a pipe dream,, maybe not.

In the end,, the drama is about me,, plain and simple. It’s about putting my needs above the needs of everyone else. It’s called taking care of me. I wonder if anyone else out there ever feels uncomfortable about putting their own needs first?

The needs of mine being put first are about my right to exist,, and exploring this area of my life is what I need right now.

So, thank you, soon to be ex whose name must never again be spoken in public,, for the gift of making me put my own needs first. Peace.

No Sleep

I’m just wondering if perhaps anyone else did not get any sleep last night? I find that when I have to deal with those whose mind is different,, it quite frankly exhausts me.

I am certain that over time, my dealing with those who mind is different will damn near kill me, especially those whose use alcohol and repeat themselves over and over and over again.

I usually begin to feel weak as the day goes on without me getting sleep, but come tonight,, I’ll probably sleep quite well.

In the end, I can not change those whose mind is different, the best I can hope for is to understand them and accept them for who they are. Peace.

Bryan, Texas Court

I’m in Bryan this morning and have been awake since 3:00 A.M., just getting ready for court. I wonder if things are going to slow down this morning or if I’m continuing to rush all around?

I get up early and write, then I prepare for court or the morning tasks that appear before me. This morning,, it’s court. Tomorrow morning, it may be something else, but today, it’s court.

I usually don’t like driving to Bryan to go to court as it takes a couple of hours to get there. Once I’m there, it usually takes only a very short time to proceed with court, then I’m done and can go somewhere else.

This morning, after court, it’s off back to Houston, then to the book store. When I go to the bookstore, I enjoy the things that I read and might even purchase one or two things.

Anyway, today, is a good day and hope you have a wonderful time doing whatever you choose. Peace.

Morning Sweats

I woke this morning with the sweats. It is incredible, how much heat I am putting off. I am completely drenched from head to toe and not feeling sick or anything,, just drenched.

I often wonder why there is so much energy in me. Why am I soaked and I am not sick or have not done any extremely hard exercises? If I am this wet, I should have done 2 – 3 hours worth of exercises and haven’t.

I guess the energy is coming out of me in droves,, but I can’t understand why. I mean, it’s not like there is anything to cause the release of this much energy,, it is just happening.

So, I wondering if anyone else has awoken with the sweats and hasn’t been sick? Hope it means good things. Have a wonderful day and remember to enjoy life in the moment. Peace.

Not Feeling Right

Did you ever get what you think you wanted and it turn out you don’t feel right about it?

It doesn’t mean it’s bad, and it doesn’t mean you should go back to the old things, it just means you should not quit dreaming.

Peace.

 

Are You Awake To See Awareness?

I borrow this topic from my friend Sean, who came up with this topic while we were talking the other day. I think it’s very appropriate and directly on point.

How often are we asleep in life,, just going through the motions? How often do we miss the real adventure,, just worrying about bills, relationships, or other such nonsense?

I know that for most of my life, I am not awake and it wouldn’t matter what appears,, the presence and awakeness I need to see the awareness is asleep.

I recently begin to live again in the present. For whatever reason, I stopped long ago,, like a part of me died. I awake and life changes drastically. Things that I had depended on for years disappear and things that I fear appear.

I am surprised that during this the things I fear, become the gifts I receive and the things I depended on become burdens. Wow. It seems that the amazing walk of life is best found in the moment,, not in the past or future.

I am awake and aware. Most “lawyers” are not. How often do you tune into the feelings of the jurors, witnesses, lawyers and observers in the court room? If you are not awake,, how in the hell can you ever be aware?

I wish everyone have a beautiful day and hope that you are awake. Peace.

Cutting Cords

I am healing every minute I am alive. Healing comes in many forms and fashions, but most importantly, it comes to those who need it most of all and are ready to receive it.

I often wonder what happens to people who are miserable,, aren’t they always sick? I mean, most miserable people I know are extremely angry, bitter or resentful. Along with the feelings of bitterness and anger, comes the illnesses related to it.

For instance, if someone is constipated all the time, there must be something wrong with the bowels and gut. I suppose that this same person is holding in anger, resentment or bitterness to the point it begins to hurt him or her.

I firmly believe that good mental health leads to good physical health and likewise, bad mental health leads to bad physical health.

Did you ever notice that people who are happy in life, usually don’t have a lot pf physical problems? I just wonder why that is?

Anyway, back to the topic,, cutting cords. In a bad relationship or a bad family dynamic,, cutting the cords that connect is essential. How can anyone have good mental health and then continue to have to deal with the “crap” the bad relationships bring into the fray? I say, it’s impossible.

So, when looking at your life in a mirror, can we cut cords or are we gonna continue to be miserable? Maybe you can, maybe not. Maybe you have to be around that person less and less and less or learn some better coping skills,, I don’t know.

I just know this, if I continue to give and give and give, all my energy is sucked away and I get sick. If I cut the cords that bind me,, I become free. Is your freedom worth it? Isn’t that like asking if your life is worth it?

I don’t know about you, but good mental health is important to me,, is it to you? Have a nice day and remember to always look at cutting the cords. Peace.

How Do You Heal?

I am wondering how I heal? Not from a surgical procedure, but how do I heal when I  hurt?

I know in the past I’ve used drugs or alcohol, but not today. Maybe I used them to get attention, or just as a way of punishing people who hurt me. I don’t really know. I suppose that sometimes I may think buying new things will help, but it doesn’t. I suppose that new relationships will help, but it never did in the past.

So, how do I heal? I have many dragons that live below the surface of my everyday life, dragons I suppose that almost everyone has, but few care to ever look at.

I see this dragon rear its ugly head every now and then, but for the most part, I keep it under the surface. Sometimes the dragon gets very upset and peeks his head out of the ground and appears, but most of the time, the dragon remains under control.

I often wonder if I’m the only person in the world who might have a dragon living below the surface? Anyway, when things are good, the dragon isn’t as active as he can be, When things are bad, the dragon is stirred up almost to a frenzy.

So, if the dragon is never looked at and kept under control, how do I know that part of me? I mean, it exists within me, so why deny it? I look at the dragon sometimes and even go sit with it under the surface, just so I know what it feels like. I sit in my own pain, my own anger, my own fear and my own love.

When I am hurt, the dragon is active, and I know that he can do some incredible harm, but when I visit him and sit with him, he isn’t as bad as if I never go and touch him at all.

So, how in the hell does this have anything at all to do with healing? I guess I’m very fortunate, I never had the physical or sexual abuse as a child that a lot of my clients and friends had.

I understand the pain, because I feel it and see these good and decent folk struggling with their own dragons. Some of them just ignore the dragon, some let the damn dragon out of the cage all the fucking time and some,,,, just sit with the dragon and pet it,, then leave it alone for a while.

I know my dragon is there and sitting with it helps heal me. I also see in bad situations some good and nurture that little spec of good,, imprint it into my physic memory. I nurture that speck and let it grow.

I also remember good times growing up and in my life and nurture those memories. I also learn to be my own parent and sometimes just hug myself as a good father or a good mother would.

Healing is an incredible part of life and I heard something remarkable yesterday,,, do you remember when you first had to wear glasses? Is it because you didn’t want to see something? And how about those whose vision has improved?

Isn’t it time you healed yourself? Isn’t it time you hugged yourself? Isn’t it time you loved yourself?  Love yourself and go in health and healing. Peace.